Happenings in the Life of Nicole

On Fire

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:56:00 +0000

Revelation 3:15-17 says, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold not hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."

Becky read this passage last night at the first night of the Crazy Love study. And it stuck with me. I always understood that lukewarm water and other drinks generally aren't appealing. Ok, so lukewarm = bad. No big deal I get that part of the metaphor. But what about the whole hot and cold thing? Why would Christ want you to be adamantly against the faith instead of a halfhearted follower? I'm not saying we should be halfhearted, but isn't it better than not believing at all?

Before I started this post I googled this passage and one article came up that interested me. It's title is "How to Make Jesus Sick." That intrigued me. I haven't finished the whole thing but I found this part really good.

This begs the question: why would Jesus prefer cold to lukewarmness? If we understand the term “cold” to mean hostility toward the Gospel, we must conclude that Jesus would rather see a person an antagonist than a halfhearted follower. But that explanation seems doubtful. It is unlikely that Jesus preferred hostility to half-heartedness. A better way to understand these verses is to see both “cold” and “hot” as positive terms. Cold water refreshes, hot water heals, but lukewarm water does neither.

Now that makes since to me! I want to be like a cold drink to me friends. I want to help refresh them. I want to be hot water also. I want to help with the healing. I want to be this way not just with my friends but to everyone I see. I want the to look at me and say, "She's different." I don't want to be like that world and get caught up in the wealth and riches of the here and now. I want to store up my treasures in heaven where moth and rust won't be.

Don't get me wrong, I worry about money. I want to have a good paying job and not have to worry about making it from paycheck to paycheck. I want to have extra to share with those who don't have enough. By no means am I always not lukewarm. I have my funks. But it's not where I want to be.

In the article it also talks about the Greek word that John used for "to spit." It was emeo. This doesn't just mean spit; it means "to vomit." That's harsh. I don't want to make Christ sick. I want him to be proud of me. I want Him to look at me the way a father looks at his daughter when she first rides her bike with no training wheels or when she brings home a a report that she worked really hard on and got an A. I want him to be happy, ecstatic to say, "She belongs to me."

Unbalanced

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 00:29:00 +0000

Becky lent me the book Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli. I've not finished it yet but so far it's great! So many Christian books I've read or tried to read have had really good info in them but were written in a way that made me get bored and not want to read them. This is NOT one of them. I have trouble putting it down.

The part I was reading tonight was about being odd. I'm not talking about wearing funny clothes driving a weird vehicle. I'm talking about standing out from the world. It talked about being unbalanced and not being the same. Although being balanced is something many of us have striven for in our lives, the book takes a different approach. Yaconelli talks about how discipleship can cause all kinds of seemingly bad things and unbalance in our lives. When we are different from the world instead of trying to be like everyone else, we cause tension. The book states that "faith is the unbalancing force in our lives that is the fruit of God's disturbing presence."

In John 15:18-19 Jesus say to the disciples, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

Jesus says that the world might very well hate us because we are different and that's ok with me. That means I'm doing what I'm supposed to. I'm spreading the gospel of Christ. I'm living out the Great Commission. I encourage all of you to be unbalanced, odd, different, hated by the world.

Poking, Prodding, and Pushing

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 05:01:00 +0000

God's been doing all three of those things to me a lot for the past couple of weeks even more than usual. He's calling me to do some things outside of my comfort zone. He's led me to make two apologies in the last few days that were long overdue. He's had me talk to people face to face that I don't know that well about helping with activities in the church. He's been pushing me to pray for those I have grudges against and to treat them with love and kindness.

All of these things are really hard for me, but I'm seeing the benefits already. God is blessing me for it already. I pray that God continues to push me even if I may complain from time to time. I pray that he offers me more opportunities to grow in Him. I pray that he helps me to have a faith that is not dead but that is alive and active. That my faith will be full of actions. That I will be set apart from the world and people will be able to look at me and say, "There's something different about her and I want to know what it is." I pray that I will be a shining light in this world of darkness for Christ. I ask these not just for myself but all those around me, all those in this world who are seeking after You so that we might show the world how amazing You are!

Update on My Life

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 04:13:00 +0000

Last week I got to counsel over at Indian Creek Wednesday through Saturday. I was very blessed while there. I had a great cabin leader with me. The girls in our cabin were great. I know three of them already so that definitely made me more comfortable. God pushed me outside of my comfort zone dealing with a couple of girls with homesickness (one of them ending up going home). The girls got along really well. I don't really know what all to say, but it was great and I can't wait to go back next year!

Saturday after all the campers were gone I took part of Lynette's senior pics. I'm still amazed at how well they turned out. I still have to edit them but most of them aren't going to require much more than cropping. After we finished taking the pictures we sat at The Special Place for over an hour talking. It was really nice.

It's been a whirlwind week since I've been back. Free meal at church was Sunday after the 20s and 30s lunch. I've been spending lots of time with Lynette and Ben. Wednesday night Lynette and I ended up at Denny's with Seth, Becky, and Thomas. Thursday and Friday night I hung out around Vincennes with Lynette, Ben, and Ben. I'd forgotten how much fun just playing around could be. The first night we went to The Memorial followed by Taco Chicken and Wal-Mart. The next night we again met at The Memorial but this time we went to Denny's and then Gregg Park. Swinging is fun. The four of us ended up sitting in the bed of Lynette's truck for over an hour talking, maybe even close to two hours. I'm not really sure since both Lynette's and my phones died.

Today I got to spend all day with Lynette again. It's been really fun spending all this time with her. Some might say that we have too much fun together. I'm so thankfully that God gave me such a great best friend!

Making a Mess

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:42:00 +0000

Last night Ben and I went out to eat (it was KFC so it wasn't anything special, but it was still out). He had brought a piece of chicken home with him. He was getting my check for me and asked me to put the chicken in the fridge while he got it. I had the chicken in the container and everything was still going good. I moved to put the it in the fridge and the next thing I knew the plate (from KFC so thankfully we're talking styrofoam) is doing multiple 360s. It landed on the floor and my heart sank. I really have no idea how it got the air time it did. All I did was barely tap the side of the plate. Ben didn't get mad when he walked back in the kitchen. He just let me clean it up with the paper towels he'd bought earlier. It was just some crumbs that needed wiped up, but it was still a mess.

This got me thinking about how easy it is to make mistakes in our lives. All it takes it one small wrong decision to flip things end over end. A lot of times we don't even realize we've done anything until we see everything spinning out of control. Thankfully we have a God who loves us and doesn't blow up at us when we do this. He is patient with us and gives us time to clean up the mess. He doesn't expect us to clean it up all on our own; He gives us the tools we need to clean up our messes.

Today I'm praising God for the many times He has helped me clean up both the big and small messes I've made in my life. I praise Him for the wonderful Christian family He has sent into my life to help me through my messes. I praise Him for giving us the Bible for guidance when making our decisions and for helping us figure out how the clean up our messes. I praise Him most of all for sending his son Jesus to be the ultimate clean up tool for our biggest messes. I'd like to see Mr. Clean try to top my Jesus at cleaning. Christ is so good He's even cleaned up my heart a time or two.

Wedding Woes

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Thu, 28 May 2009 23:03:00 +0000

Ben and I set a tentative date of August 2011. Yes, I do realize that is two whole years plus a little from now. You might be wondering why the plan is to wait so long after already being together for four years already. The following are some/most of the reasons:

1. I will be done with college (for the first time at least) at this point as will Ben. Hopefully he will have what so many of us like to call a "real" job at this time aka full time.

2. Many years ago I told my dad that I would wait until I was done with college to get married. (It is somewhat important to point out that when I did this, I didn't think I would find "the one" until college or later so it was no big deal.)

3. I'm worried that if we didn't wait until I was done that my grades might slip. Plus I would be doing my student teaching while married (though I've heard that it's way worse if you do it while planning a wedding...).

4. We currently do not have the resources to get a place of our own place. I'm currently hoping to hear from the bank at Sandborn about a part time position which could help partially alleviate this issue.

5. I'm worried about what getting married before I'm done with my bach degree might do to my financial aid. I'm fairly certain it wouldn't affect my val/sal scholarship which covers all tuition, but I don't know what it would do to my federal and state grants.

Recently Ben and I have been discussing moving the wedding up a year. Not only have we both wanted to move it up, but we've had multiple people mention it to us. People have told me that they have confidence in me keeping my grades up. Lynette and I went to Evansville today to take a few dresses to a consignment shop and while we were down there we stopped by David's Bridal to look around. I ended up trying on a couple a dresses and fell in love with one of them. This did not help me lean toward waiting the two years at all.

The thing that is holding me back more than anything else is #2 on that list up there. I promised my dad that I'd wait. It was definitely half-hearted when I did, but it was still a promise. I know he would be rather mad at me if I didn't wait, but at the same time, it is my decision. Mine and Ben's. Not my parents. Not his parents. Not friends. Ours.

Another biggie is #4 - the money issue. Being at home and not on my own, I really don't have to worry about money that much. I've been trying to save and help out some since I got the job at the store my junior year, but still, the only bill I'm paying is my car insurance. I also pay for my own gas and any little extras I want, but I'm not paying electric, telephone or internet bills. I'm not making car or house payments. I don't have to pay for my own health insurance. Once we get hitched, those will be things I have to worry about and until at least one of us has a good paying job, we won't be able to pay for those things.

I know if we only waited until next August, I would have time to come down off of the marriage/honeymoon high before classes started up again (more time than if we waited two years and I had a job teaching at a high school). It would only be one year and I know Ben would support me. Recently I've been thinking that instead of my grades dropping, they might actually get better or at least remain at the relatively high standard I've put for myself already. I might push myself more since I wouldn't be at home and relying a lot on my parents.

Dear friends, what I'm asking for from you more than anything else is prayer about all of this. Ben and I really want to make the right decision. We don't want to make a hasty decision, so we're giving it lots of thought and prayer.

<3 Nicole

Birthday Fun

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 25 May 2009 20:57:00 +0000

My youngest nephew Hayden turned five on May 6th. Ben and I looked around for something to get him, but we couldn't really think of anything. Instead we told him that he could have a day out on the town with the two of us. We'd go see a movie, maybe eat out, and he could even bring his birthday money and we could go shopping. He loved the idea. ( yay!) It took us until yesterday to get all three of our schedules to mesh. We took the little man to see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. It was a really good movie. If you liked the first one, you should like this one too. The three of us shared popcorn and drinks. Hayden really liked the movie.

After it was over we headed to Wal-Mart so he could get something with his birthday money. Ben and I were pretty sure he would head for the Nerf guns. He made us go up an down a few aisles before he decided on anything. First thing he grabbed was a Hot Wheels race track which he later put back because it was too small. He ended up with a not Nerf but the same idea tommy gun, a two pack of Hot Wheels (one changed color), and a truck with a 4-wheeler in the back. Not gonna lie - I'd really like to get one of the tommy guns.

We had a really good time out with Hayden. When we brought him home the other two were asking what we were going to do for their birthdays. Seems like they want to do the same thing! We hung out with the kids and Andrea for a while. Ben played with the Nerf guns with the kids while Andrea and I talked about this, that, and the other. We even ended up staying to eat with them. I have to say that yesterday was a really fun day!

Wants

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Fri, 15 May 2009 23:59:00 +0000

I've been feeling kind of off lately, like I'm stuck. I don't now what's up. I'm not really happy about the job on campus like I was at first. I don't even know if I really want it. What I really want is the job at the bank at Sanborn (still hoping and praying) or maybe something else totally different. What I want is to be able to do SonShine kids next semester and not have a class I have to take Wednesday nights from 5-9 (major yuck). What I want is to be done with stinking college already, out of my parents house, and in my own place (well mine and Ben's place). I want to go away on vacation for a month. I want to be done with my ethics class already or to not even have signed up for it in the first place. I want to go back and do somethings over.

I want a lot of things, but more than anything else I want Him to show me what way to turn. I want to get closer to Him. I want to figure out my place in this mess of a world. Currently it seems that instead of getting what I want, I'm getting a lesson in patience.

The Big Night!

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 03:49:00 +0000

Here's the note finally telling about the big night. As you should know, Ben and I got engaged last night! Here are details about the night.

Last week we decided to start a new tradition. It's called Super Friday Supper. Since we're both a little short on cash lately, instead of going out, we decided to have a nice meal in. We're taking turns cooking, decorating, and making it an all around good evening. I had no idea how good this Friday evening was going to be.

I got my clothes, jewelry,etc together that I wanted to wear together and then came and chilled in the living room while Ben started cooking and getting the computer room ready. After a little while Ben led me with my eyes shut to the bathroom to get ready. I wasn't originally going to take very long getting ready but decided to put a little more into it. I'm glad I did! Ben waited on me to finish and then led me to the table. He had put music on, had a candle out, and put a fireplace screen saver on the computer (Don't laugh. I wanted to do it the week before but ran out of time before I found one.).

We were having a pretty good night already. He'd gotten some love songs that I really like together. (The first song that played as he walked me in was "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast. And there was also "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from Lion King.) The next song that played was "She's Everything" by Brad Paisley. Ben asked me to close my eyes and just listen, to think about the lyrics. I did but with some grumbling. As it was winding down I started asking if I could open my eyes yet. Ben told me I couldn't yet.

The thoughts going through my mind at this moment never once zoomed over what happened next. I had a feeling that he was up to something. I thought he was going to give me some dorky gift or something like that. Boy was I off the mark on this one. It most definitely not dorky at all. It was the most amazing thing ever! Ben said I could open my eyes so I did. I saw him in front of me on his knee. I saw the box in his hands. All previous thoughts left me head as did all words. He opened the box and said those words that every girl hopes to here one day. "Will you marry me?" I think at this point I almost tackled him. I kinda forgot to say yes at first though my actions were clearly yes. He finally said something along the lines of "I take it this means yes?" I told him yes. He took the ring he gave me for my birthday last year off my finger and put the engagement ring on instead.

We spent the rest of the night pretty giddy and telling people what had just happened. There were lots of texts to send and even more to reply to. It's still hard to believe it finally happened, but I have a ring on my finger to look and at remind me that it did happen, that it is true.

Word of God Speak

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:05:00 +0000

I'm in the computer lab in McCormick working on a physics formal lab report and need a distraction from the noise of those around me. I popped out my oh so comfy and noise blocking earbuds and tuned in to Pandora (This is a free radio thingy online. You can create your own station by choosing a genre, artist, or song. It's really great and you should check it out if you haven't used it before. Go now. Or after you finish reading this post. But do it!). The first song that came up was Word of God Speak by MercyMe. I've listened to it before multiple times, but it really hit me today.

With the Bible study on my heart it really spoke to me. I know I'm not in the Word as much as I should be. I was doing pretty good for a little while and then homework started piling up again and it took precedent over what should come first. I admit that I was wrong and I know better, but I don't always do what I know I should.

My prayer today is that His Word pores down on me. That it drowns me in Him. That I will put Him first so that all else may fall into place. I pray for time each day to spend in the silence with nothing but Him and His Word. I pray for a continual desire to do so. I pray that those around me feel this desire, this urge, this fire within as well.

Here's a link to a youtube video of the song and the lyrics are below. Enjoy!

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Hearing His Call

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:20:00 +0000

Sometime not long after I got home from the Flight in February Ben and I were talking about stuff. I believe I was telling him about something I'd read in Obadiah that weekend. One thing led to another in our discussion and he ended up suggesting that I start a Bible study. I told him that I really didn't think that was for me.

When I said this I was kind of lying. More than once in the past it was put on my heart to start a Bible study, but I've pushed it away every time. It's been three years since the first time. I was just a junior in high school and didn't really feel like I was old enough to do something like that. I can't remember the other specific times, but I know there were others. The main reason I told God no way is because I hate being put in the spotlight. I really do. I like doing things well, but I don't like people telling me about it. About how good I am. It's like when Seth mentioned me talking to Bev about being put in the rotation for praise team. As much as I like to sing and know that my voice isn't horrible, I really don't want to get in front of people. I don't like people telling me how great the speech I gave was and stuff like that.

Anyway, back to this Bible study thing. It looks like youth Bible study is being canceled for the summer. I'm not a fan of this but there's not really anything I can do. I kind of feel like this is even more conformation to lead one myself. I've even been led to a topic. I'm just afraid to go any farther with it. I don't know what ages to do it for. I don't want to exclude anyone. I don't want to be the youngest person there and leading it but at the same time I don't know that many younger who would want to go. Another problem I'm having is my lack of knowledge on the subject I'm being led to. In a nut shell I'd like to expand on these seven truths about Satan that we touched on in BibLit. It would be something about understanding the ways of Satan and guarding oneself against him.

I'd really appreciate the prayers off all of my few but faithful readers. I'd also like to know if anyone is interested in it or not.

Step of Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:05:00 +0000

I believe all or at least most of you who read my blog know that I've been praying for William a lot and that I'm worried about Him. I've been feeling a tug to talk to him since before the Flight but I couldn't figure what to say, when to say it, how to say it, etc. I just finished writing a letter to him (written by hand and soon to be mailed with a real stamp *gasp*). I'm asking for prayer that he receives the words and the Truth in it with an open and willing heart. I pray that the words in it are not my own, but that they are His and that William realizes this. I poured a lot of myself out to him. I pray that he doesn't use these confessions against me at some point. I pray for him. I pray for His will in this situation. Thanks everyone.

Schedule

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:29:00 +0000

School starts back Monday and I'm not ready for it. I got my subbing certificate in the mail today which means I can start subbing! I love that I can get closer to doing the job that I really want to have. The sad thing is that I want be able to sub now until May. I have classes everyday thanks to being a science major (Labs and lectures never match up and then throw in the other classes I have to take and you get one messy schedule.) so I can't sub during the school year. I was really hoping that next semester I would be able to work it out where I don't have classes one day or that they would be late enough that I could still sub that day.

No such luck.

They (Sorry Mrs. Summers. I know I'm using the infamous "they" but I don't know what else to use.) have the summer and fall class schedule up online. Being the anal scheduling freak I am, I have already drawn up two possible schedules. This was withing about 2-3 hours of me finding this and working nonstop. Now I would like to come up with alternative 3 in case Mr. Bardole doesn't like them. All possibilities include classes every day. Guess subbing is out for the fall semester too. At least I'll get to sub during May.

Crushcrushcrush

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 21:04:00 +0000

I was taking a shower last night and I had Crushcrushcrush by Paramore stuck in my head. As I sang it part of the lyrics stood out to me. It's not a Christian song or anything, but as I repeated it over and over it made me think of our relationship with the Father. I'm going to break the song apart stanza by stanza and possibly even more than that. If you want to listing to it, here's a link to the music video on youtube.

I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all

We should have so much to say to God. We should want to tell Him everything, ask Him for things and His will. His eyes are always on us. He sees everything we do and knows everything we think. And it doesn't make sense. We are flawed, fallen creatures but He loves us anyway.

They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies

This part made me think of people ignoring or misusing the Bible. "Scribbled out the truth with their lies" Jesus is the Truth. Satan lies and deceives trying to scribble Christ out of everything.

Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)

I didn't really know anything to say to this part...

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this

It's great when we get to spend quiet time with God. Just the one-two of us talking and listening and just being with Him. Sadly, for many of us that rarely happens. We've had a long day at work/school/with kids/ets and we just want to relax do we sleep/watch tv/get on facebook/check the blogs/etc and don't make time to be with God. But that's so much more relaxing than any of those things. He takes away all the nuts of the day and gives us peace.

If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute

How horrible would it be if we just completely forgot about God? If we shoved Him out of our life completely?

That's pretty much all I have and the rest is mostly repeating too.

They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies

Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this now

Rock and roll, baby
Don't you know that we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
Give me something to sing about

Sing about Him! Praise Him with song!

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
No, oh

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
More than this
Ohoh ohoh ohoh
Oooh...

Scaredy Cat

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:29:00 +0000

I've been feeling like there's someone I need to witness to and that today was the day. But I can't do it. I'm scared. I think that it's not the right time. But if it isn't the right time to tell him about Jesus, then will it be? Ugh. At Bible study last night we read Exodus 5 and we talked about how sometimes you're supposed to deliver a message for God or about Him or something else along those lines but that it won't always get through the first time. Sometimes we will have a plan for a situation - we know exactly what we're going to say, how the other person is going to respond, etc. Sometimes God doesn't want the situation to go that way. Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. I don't want this situation to get worse. I guess I'll never know what could happen though if I don't take a leap of faith, but I afraid of falling.

Umm... Do You REALLY Want me to do that?

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 01:01:00 +0000

I think I here You calling. Telling me to do something that I'm kind of unwilling to do. I know I should listen and do as you tell me, but I'm really afraid. For now I will keep praying and seeking Your will.

Amazing Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:31:00 +0000

I want to tell you guys everything about this weekend, but I can't find words to describe it. A lot of you who read my blog were there and got to experience many of the same things I did, even though I'm sure god spoke to us in different ways. I feel so blessed right now. I've never felt closer to Him than I did this weekend. I'm so much more committed. I've realized that I really need to hand things over to him because He can do all things. I knew this before but I have a really hard time doing it. I finally handed a few things over to Him this weekend that I'd been holding in. I have confidence in the fact that He took the hurt and pain and guilt and the whole sin away from me. God has provided me with even more amazing friends and has brought me closer to some old amazing friends. I was so blessed serving Him this weekend.

What's a Girl to Do?

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 03:04:00 +0000

I'm in need of some advice from trusted friends. I have one group of friends that we'll call group A. I love them dearly, BUT (there's always that huge but in the way) they don't care for many of my other friends. For the sake of simplicity we'll call these other friends group B. Group A often talks bad about B. This puts me in such an uncomfortable situation. I want to remain friends with group A, but I often feel uncomfortable and out of place when they start talking about someone(s) in group B. Many times I will just get rather quiet when they start in like this, but sometimes I will try to defend the person(s) in group B being attacked. I'm not sure how clear this is coming across.
I guess to attempt to sum this up - I feel torn. I don't want to lose group A because they mean a lot to me, even if they don't realize it. If I was ever put in a situation where I had to choose I would have to choose B. I need advice on what the most Christian way to handle the situation when next I'm put in it. What do I say, how do I act, etc.

Catching Up Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 17:02:00 +0000

First off, I'd like to note that this is part one of Catching Up. The number of parts has yet to be determined. This the first part shall be about the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert and the little events surrounding it.

This story begins Monday, December 22 in Bicknell. Ben and I headed to pick up Lynette and do all the fun stuff one does in Bicknell (i.e. go to the bank). I realized when we were at the bank waiting on Ben that I forgot the maps and stuff so we had to stop at my house on our way through. Then the real journey began. We made our way up 67 to 231 and on to 70 to get to our lovely hotel in Plainville. We relaxed in our room for a little while but not too long because Lynette and I (but most her) decided we were hungry. We looked through the giant Indy phonebook for Chinese restaurants and eventually found two on a street very near Conseco. We happily headed out to fill our rumbly bellies.

Once we got in Indy and on the correct street it didn't take Ben long to realize we were about 800 blocks away from the one restaurant and about 100 away from the other... Oops. Luckily Lynette spotted a B-dubs so we went around the Circle and on our way back to B-dubs Ben spotted a nice parking garage. Our food was delish and B-dubs was warm unlike the outside. Sadly I forgot the tickets in the car... Ben was quite the gentleman and went back to get them. Then it was finally concert time!

The concert was amazing. I can't really describe it other than that. Thankfully pictures are worth a thousand words and I have plenty. I believe it has yet to be decided how many words a video is worth, but I've got plenty of them too. I hope you enjoy these!

I can't remember the song that was going on but you can see the twinkly lights - ie snow. They were tres pretty.

The awesome lasers and light show and fog and people rocking out. All in all, amazing.

The "drunkard" singing. It was a really good and also touching song.

The strings rawking out. They are so talented. The videos later demonstrate their amazingness more.

Pretty purple and blue stage.

Opening set of the show

*I tried to upload a couple other videos but it's being cranky so I'll get them up soon.*

After the concert we booked it back to the car and then to the hotel. I read a little, Ben watched tv, and Lynette texted for a little while before sleeping. I guess we didn't get to sleep early enough because we didn't leave as early as planned. Weather wasn't bad up there when we left but dad had called and said it was icing at home already. Everything was fine on 70. We got on 231 which wasn't too bad until after we stopped for gas. By the time we got back on 67 it was definitely slick. I was planning on stopping once we got in Spencer which was just a couple miles away but suddenly I see a silver Cavalier sliding across the road toward me. I tried to get over and avoid her but it didn't work. She bounced off me and the high schooler driving it got it to stop down the hill. We had to wait on the cop to show up. He had us pull way over on the pull off. Once he finally got done with his report I was very ready to get to town, eat, and wait on the roads. He told us to stay until the highway trucks went through, but it wouldn't have mattered because we were blocked in by two semis and three coal trucks. After about two hours of waiting we finally could get out. Although I would have liked to sit down and eat, I really just wanted to get home. Wouldn't have mattered because we had to wait in traffic on the other side of Spencer for around two more hours. After we got out of that we were free and clear the rest of the way home.

Thankfully the only thing that happened to Dean's car was a small dent in the driver's door and some paint scraping. The girl that hit me just had a busted headlight.

The Kid is Growing Up

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:25:00 +0000

Friday night mom and I watched the kiddos. Haley and I went to the store to pick up chicken and pizza because the kids couldn't agree on anything. On the way home Haley mentioned something about a haunted library which led to a discussion about ghost which led to demons which led to Satan. I'm glad she's getting older and can start to get things, that I can go a little deeper and not just graze the surface and still come out with her very confused. I praise God that she's been raised in the church and has a great foundation in her relationship with Him. Being able to talk to her like I did was... I can't exactly describe the feeling, but it was definitely positive.

Why Me?

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 03:52:00 +0000

I wanted to write this Saturday, but well... life gets in the way. Then yesterday I really felt like writing that and didn't feel it was the time to also lump this one on. So, two days later, here is this post.

"Lord, why me? Why did you tell her this is what I'm supposed to do? Why did you tell me to answer yes when she asked me? I am about the worst person ever when it comes to praying and yet you tell her that's what I'm supposed to do? Are you nuts? I'll do it and I'll really try my best, but seriously, are you sure you didn't get the wrong girl? Maybe some other girl named Nicole. Maybe that's who you meant. And are you really sure I'm supposed to be talking to these girls about discipleship, showing people love, and bringing people to Christ? What's so great that I've ever done? What stories do I have to tell? I felt when I was asked that I was supposed to say yes, but now I'm wondering if I really was supposed to. Like I said, I'll do it and I'll pray about it, but not really sure what I've got to offer."

These were pretty much my thoughts Saturday. In one respect I know I'm supposed to be doing these things, but in another, I wonder why oh why He chose me. I guess I'm writing this in hopes that you (ie any and every one who reads this) will give a little shout out in your prayers for me. I'm not really sure what's going on with me right now other than the Lord working in me. I'm feeling some convictions more than others and they hurt. At the same time though, He's able to point out some of the good and say "Look at what you've done for Me. Look at what you can do for Me. Look at all the people you have around you who love you and pray for you and would do/ do do (tee hee... do do) so much for you." I am so amazed at what a wonderful, loving, forgiving, father He is and I praise Him for it. =)

Funk

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 01:12:00 +0000

I've been in a horrible funk today. I've been crying and yelling and laughing and then immediately crying. I accidentally slept through church. I didn't leave my house until youth tonight which Ben had to drag me to. I didn't want to eat. I had planned on really working on my talk today but that didn't happen at all. I don't like it. I want to feel better. I want stuff in my life to turn around. I don't know what's going on. And now I'm rambling.

I've been feeling very left out at stuff lately. It's like everyone has their own group, but I can't be included in any of them. Mostly because I'm "too young" or I "haven't done X or Y." It's so frustrating to be just left out in the cold with no one to turn to but the same very few people. l just want to be included. Especially in a place that it's supposed to be about loving others. But maybe I'm just crazy...

Hallmark Assessment

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 04:53:00 +0000

I'll warn you up front that this is a long post. This is an five page paper I wrote for my foundations in education class. Some of it might interest you none, but I wanted to include all of it and give everyone the chance to see inside my head a little bit.

Perennialism

The philosophy of Perennialism believes that truth is constant over time. In many ways, my views on teaching agree with Perennialism. I feel that a classroom must be structured for students to really learn. It helps students know what to expect in class and to know what you, the teacher, expect from them. I also believe that most truths are constant over time. As a chemistry teacher, there will be many things I will teach that have been true for hundreds of years. There will also be some knowledge I provide to students that will be relatively new information. New discoveries are being made in science all the time so I will have to get out of my rut that everything should be the same every year. I do not agree with perennialism that extracurriculars are unimportant as are the feelings of students. Sometimes extracurricular activities are the only things that motivate students to do well in their classes.

Progressivism

Progressivism, which is the total opposite of perennialism, has three main principles that guide it. The first is that the context of the curriculum should be founded around students’ interests, not academic disciplines. I partially agree with this. I feel that students’ interests must be taken into consideration, but that should not dictate the lessons. Students should be given some liberty when it comes to things like research papers, science projects, and book reports. The second principle that guides progressivism is that the whole child should be taken into account as should his of her interests and needs in relation to cognitive, affective, and psychomotor areas. Sometimes for a class to progress as needs, you cannot focus on each individual student and his or her needs specifically, but you should look for signs that students are having difficulties so you can help them appropriately. The third principle is that learning is that learning is essentially active rather than passive. I think that there should be a good balance between active and passive learning. Personally, I learn best by listening to lectures, taking notes, and then doing homework and/or practice problems. Some of my close friends learn little from lectures and notes but learn much from actually doing. This has helped me realize that a successful classroom must have balance between active and passive learning so all students have an equal opportunity to learn.

Essentialism

The philosophy of essentialism is similar to perennialism. Like a perenialist classroom, an essentialist classroom will be conservative, traditional, and be well structured which are things I previously stated I liked. The main thing essentialism is know for is the “back to basics” movement. The “basics” are essential knowledge and skills that productive members of society need to know – reading, writing, and math. I am currently employed as a cashier. While working I have seen many people lacking the ability to read labels or to count out change. I feel that reading, writing, and math skills are essential to leading a productive life and that teachers should be held responsible, along with parents, for teaching children these skills.

Existentialism

Existentialism is a philosophy that focuses on individuals not on groups. This is a philosophy that I cannot see eye-to-eye with on nearly everything. Chemistry does not change with individuals. An atom is an atom no matter who you are. Density will always be mass divided by volume. These are concepts that do not change with the feelings of students. It is not that I thing students’ feelings should be ignored; I just feel that for the most part what I teach will not be dependent upon students. If students bring up discussion about something relevant to what we are discussing in class, that would be excellent, but if students do not like learning about empirical formulas, they will still have to learn it. I might adjust my style so that they are more interested, but I will not adjust my overall curriculum over the whims of students.

Social Reconstructionism

Social reconstructionism’s major thought is that school be the leaders in rebuilding society. I agree that schools can have a great impact upon society. Schools may be the only place that some children have positive influences in their lives. When these children look at their families and others around them, they do not see what wonderful opportunities are in our world to help others and to succeed. I also like schools providing opportunities for students to do community service, but I do not agree that schools should be allowed to make it a mandatory part of the curriculum. I do not plan on making this a mandatory part of my classes, but if I were to sponsor a club, I think I would demand a certain number of community service hours from each student involved. If they were to need help finding places and/or ways to volunteer, I would gladly help them.

Motivation for Becoming a Teacher

The major reason I have decided to become a teacher is that my experience in high school was the best four years of my life thus far. I had excellent teachers that pushed me and motivated me. They had an evident passion for their jobs. I don’t mean to say that there were no teachers I disliked any or that I fully agreed with the teaching methods of all of my high school teachers, but all of them provided me with an experience I will cherish for the entirety of my life. I had exposure to many different teaching styles. I got to see something that worked and others that did not.

When it came time for me to start filling out college applications and decide on a major, I had a very hard time. I went through many possible majors my senior year, none of which felt right until the beginning of May. This is when I decided that I wanted to be a chemistry teacher. I had decided on nursing as a major before this but realized how much I was going to miss math and science classes, especially chemistry. I did not feel that being a lab chemist was the right path for me to take; I do not do well with repetitive jobs or being confined to one place. Teaching seemed like the perfect option. It would provide me with the opportunity to spread my love of and passion for chemistry to others. I have been in enough classrooms to know that it is never a boring job; students highly unpredictable.

Looking back now, I realize I have always been a teacher at heart. I was the student who was the teacher’s assistant. I was often the person that peers would come to for help with homework: not just answers but help, coaching in the correct direction. My favorite game as a young child was to play school and I always had to be the teacher. I made worksheets for my niece and nephews just for fun when I was younger. For as long as I can remember, I have know the joy in seeing the looking on someone’s face when they finally understand a concept or get a well earned A on a test.

I long to be the teacher that inspires students. I want students to truthfully say that I am a teacher who cares about the success of her students. I want them to be able to see that I love what I’m doing and that I love what I’m teaching about. I want them to understand that chemistry is a subject that is all around them. I want them to know that the pool they swim in during the summer is kept clean by chemical means. I want them to see that the frozen food they eat is kept fresh because of the works of chemists.

Teaching is not something you can learn. You can learn the philosophies of education. You can learn how to make a good lesson plan. You can learn what doesn’t work in education. But you cannot learn how to teach. Teaching is a gift that some people have been given and now must perfect so that others may benefit from it.

Long time no post...

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:07:00 +0000

It's been a while since last I posted. Much has happened in that lull time. Classes have started. All is well with them so far. SonShine Kid's had opening night last Wednesday and today is the first night with a lesson. Ummm... lots of other things have happened but I forgetted them.

VBS

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 01:31:00 +0000

Tomorrow is the last day of VBS. Even though it's been challenging, I'm enjoying almost every minute of it. The kids seem to be getting a lot out of it. It's a blessing to be able to do this. I thank God for all the great help that has been provided to us.