On Fire

Revelation 3:15-17 says, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold not hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."

Becky read this passage last night at the first night of the Crazy Love study. And it stuck with me. I always understood that lukewarm water and other drinks generally aren't appealing. Ok, so lukewarm = bad. No big deal I get that part of the metaphor. But what about the whole hot and cold thing? Why would Christ want you to be adamantly against the faith instead of a halfhearted follower? I'm not saying we should be halfhearted, but isn't it better than not believing at all?

Before I started this post I googled this passage and one article came up that interested me. It's title is "How to Make Jesus Sick." That intrigued me. I haven't finished the whole thing but I found this part really good.

This begs the question: why would Jesus prefer cold to lukewarmness? If we understand the term “cold” to mean hostility toward the Gospel, we must conclude that Jesus would rather see a person an antagonist than a halfhearted follower. But that explanation seems doubtful. It is unlikely that Jesus preferred hostility to half-heartedness. A better way to understand these verses is to see both “cold” and “hot” as positive terms. Cold water refreshes, hot water heals, but lukewarm water does neither.

Now that makes since to me! I want to be like a cold drink to me friends. I want to help refresh them. I want to be hot water also. I want to help with the healing. I want to be this way not just with my friends but to everyone I see. I want the to look at me and say, "She's different." I don't want to be like that world and get caught up in the wealth and riches of the here and now. I want to store up my treasures in heaven where moth and rust won't be.

Don't get me wrong, I worry about money. I want to have a good paying job and not have to worry about making it from paycheck to paycheck. I want to have extra to share with those who don't have enough. By no means am I always not lukewarm. I have my funks. But it's not where I want to be.

In the article it also talks about the Greek word that John used for "to spit." It was emeo. This doesn't just mean spit; it means "to vomit." That's harsh. I don't want to make Christ sick. I want him to be proud of me. I want Him to look at me the way a father looks at his daughter when she first rides her bike with no training wheels or when she brings home a a report that she worked really hard on and got an A. I want him to be happy, ecstatic to say, "She belongs to me."

Unbalanced

Becky lent me the book Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli. I've not finished it yet but so far it's great! So many Christian books I've read or tried to read have had really good info in them but were written in a way that made me get bored and not want to read them. This is NOT one of them. I have trouble putting it down.

The part I was reading tonight was about being odd. I'm not talking about wearing funny clothes driving a weird vehicle. I'm talking about standing out from the world. It talked about being unbalanced and not being the same. Although being balanced is something many of us have striven for in our lives, the book takes a different approach. Yaconelli talks about how discipleship can cause all kinds of seemingly bad things and unbalance in our lives. When we are different from the world instead of trying to be like everyone else, we cause tension. The book states that "faith is the unbalancing force in our lives that is the fruit of God's disturbing presence."

In John 15:18-19 Jesus say to the disciples, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

Jesus says that the world might very well hate us because we are different and that's ok with me. That means I'm doing what I'm supposed to. I'm spreading the gospel of Christ. I'm living out the Great Commission. I encourage all of you to be unbalanced, odd, different, hated by the world.

Poking, Prodding, and Pushing

God's been doing all three of those things to me a lot for the past couple of weeks even more than usual. He's calling me to do some things outside of my comfort zone. He's led me to make two apologies in the last few days that were long overdue. He's had me talk to people face to face that I don't know that well about helping with activities in the church. He's been pushing me to pray for those I have grudges against and to treat them with love and kindness.

All of these things are really hard for me, but I'm seeing the benefits already. God is blessing me for it already. I pray that God continues to push me even if I may complain from time to time. I pray that he offers me more opportunities to grow in Him. I pray that he helps me to have a faith that is not dead but that is alive and active. That my faith will be full of actions. That I will be set apart from the world and people will be able to look at me and say, "There's something different about her and I want to know what it is." I pray that I will be a shining light in this world of darkness for Christ. I ask these not just for myself but all those around me, all those in this world who are seeking after You so that we might show the world how amazing You are!

Update on My Life

Last week I got to counsel over at Indian Creek Wednesday through Saturday. I was very blessed while there. I had a great cabin leader with me. The girls in our cabin were great. I know three of them already so that definitely made me more comfortable. God pushed me outside of my comfort zone dealing with a couple of girls with homesickness (one of them ending up going home). The girls got along really well. I don't really know what all to say, but it was great and I can't wait to go back next year!

Saturday after all the campers were gone I took part of Lynette's senior pics. I'm still amazed at how well they turned out. I still have to edit them but most of them aren't going to require much more than cropping. After we finished taking the pictures we sat at The Special Place for over an hour talking. It was really nice.

It's been a whirlwind week since I've been back. Free meal at church was Sunday after the 20s and 30s lunch. I've been spending lots of time with Lynette and Ben. Wednesday night Lynette and I ended up at Denny's with Seth, Becky, and Thomas. Thursday and Friday night I hung out around Vincennes with Lynette, Ben, and Ben. I'd forgotten how much fun just playing around could be. The first night we went to The Memorial followed by Taco Chicken and Wal-Mart. The next night we again met at The Memorial but this time we went to Denny's and then Gregg Park. Swinging is fun. The four of us ended up sitting in the bed of Lynette's truck for over an hour talking, maybe even close to two hours. I'm not really sure since both Lynette's and my phones died.

Today I got to spend all day with Lynette again. It's been really fun spending all this time with her. Some might say that we have too much fun together. I'm so thankfully that God gave me such a great best friend!

Making a Mess

Last night Ben and I went out to eat (it was KFC so it wasn't anything special, but it was still out). He had brought a piece of chicken home with him. He was getting my check for me and asked me to put the chicken in the fridge while he got it. I had the chicken in the container and everything was still going good. I moved to put the it in the fridge and the next thing I knew the plate (from KFC so thankfully we're talking styrofoam) is doing multiple 360s. It landed on the floor and my heart sank. I really have no idea how it got the air time it did. All I did was barely tap the side of the plate. Ben didn't get mad when he walked back in the kitchen. He just let me clean it up with the paper towels he'd bought earlier. It was just some crumbs that needed wiped up, but it was still a mess.

This got me thinking about how easy it is to make mistakes in our lives. All it takes it one small wrong decision to flip things end over end. A lot of times we don't even realize we've done anything until we see everything spinning out of control. Thankfully we have a God who loves us and doesn't blow up at us when we do this. He is patient with us and gives us time to clean up the mess. He doesn't expect us to clean it up all on our own; He gives us the tools we need to clean up our messes.

Today I'm praising God for the many times He has helped me clean up both the big and small messes I've made in my life. I praise Him for the wonderful Christian family He has sent into my life to help me through my messes. I praise Him for giving us the Bible for guidance when making our decisions and for helping us figure out how the clean up our messes. I praise Him most of all for sending his son Jesus to be the ultimate clean up tool for our biggest messes. I'd like to see Mr. Clean try to top my Jesus at cleaning. Christ is so good He's even cleaned up my heart a time or two.

Wedding Woes

Ben and I set a tentative date of August 2011. Yes, I do realize that is two whole years plus a little from now. You might be wondering why the plan is to wait so long after already being together for four years already. The following are some/most of the reasons:

1. I will be done with college (for the first time at least) at this point as will Ben. Hopefully he will have what so many of us like to call a "real" job at this time aka full time.

2. Many years ago I told my dad that I would wait until I was done with college to get married. (It is somewhat important to point out that when I did this, I didn't think I would find "the one" until college or later so it was no big deal.)

3. I'm worried that if we didn't wait until I was done that my grades might slip. Plus I would be doing my student teaching while married (though I've heard that it's way worse if you do it while planning a wedding...).

4. We currently do not have the resources to get a place of our own place. I'm currently hoping to hear from the bank at Sandborn about a part time position which could help partially alleviate this issue.

5. I'm worried about what getting married before I'm done with my bach degree might do to my financial aid. I'm fairly certain it wouldn't affect my val/sal scholarship which covers all tuition, but I don't know what it would do to my federal and state grants.

Recently Ben and I have been discussing moving the wedding up a year. Not only have we both wanted to move it up, but we've had multiple people mention it to us. People have told me that they have confidence in me keeping my grades up. Lynette and I went to Evansville today to take a few dresses to a consignment shop and while we were down there we stopped by David's Bridal to look around. I ended up trying on a couple a dresses and fell in love with one of them. This did not help me lean toward waiting the two years at all.

The thing that is holding me back more than anything else is #2 on that list up there. I promised my dad that I'd wait. It was definitely half-hearted when I did, but it was still a promise. I know he would be rather mad at me if I didn't wait, but at the same time, it is my decision. Mine and Ben's. Not my parents. Not his parents. Not friends. Ours.

Another biggie is #4 - the money issue. Being at home and not on my own, I really don't have to worry about money that much. I've been trying to save and help out some since I got the job at the store my junior year, but still, the only bill I'm paying is my car insurance. I also pay for my own gas and any little extras I want, but I'm not paying electric, telephone or internet bills. I'm not making car or house payments. I don't have to pay for my own health insurance. Once we get hitched, those will be things I have to worry about and until at least one of us has a good paying job, we won't be able to pay for those things.

I know if we only waited until next August, I would have time to come down off of the marriage/honeymoon high before classes started up again (more time than if we waited two years and I had a job teaching at a high school). It would only be one year and I know Ben would support me. Recently I've been thinking that instead of my grades dropping, they might actually get better or at least remain at the relatively high standard I've put for myself already. I might push myself more since I wouldn't be at home and relying a lot on my parents.

Dear friends, what I'm asking for from you more than anything else is prayer about all of this. Ben and I really want to make the right decision. We don't want to make a hasty decision, so we're giving it lots of thought and prayer.

<3 Nicole

Birthday Fun

My youngest nephew Hayden turned five on May 6th. Ben and I looked around for something to get him, but we couldn't really think of anything. Instead we told him that he could have a day out on the town with the two of us. We'd go see a movie, maybe eat out, and he could even bring his birthday money and we could go shopping. He loved the idea. ( yay!) It took us until yesterday to get all three of our schedules to mesh. We took the little man to see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. It was a really good movie. If you liked the first one, you should like this one too. The three of us shared popcorn and drinks. Hayden really liked the movie.

After it was over we headed to Wal-Mart so he could get something with his birthday money. Ben and I were pretty sure he would head for the Nerf guns. He made us go up an down a few aisles before he decided on anything. First thing he grabbed was a Hot Wheels race track which he later put back because it was too small. He ended up with a not Nerf but the same idea tommy gun, a two pack of Hot Wheels (one changed color), and a truck with a 4-wheeler in the back. Not gonna lie - I'd really like to get one of the tommy guns.

We had a really good time out with Hayden. When we brought him home the other two were asking what we were going to do for their birthdays. Seems like they want to do the same thing! We hung out with the kids and Andrea for a while. Ben played with the Nerf guns with the kids while Andrea and I talked about this, that, and the other. We even ended up staying to eat with them. I have to say that yesterday was a really fun day!

Wants

I've been feeling kind of off lately, like I'm stuck. I don't now what's up. I'm not really happy about the job on campus like I was at first. I don't even know if I really want it. What I really want is the job at the bank at Sanborn (still hoping and praying) or maybe something else totally different. What I want is to be able to do SonShine kids next semester and not have a class I have to take Wednesday nights from 5-9 (major yuck). What I want is to be done with stinking college already, out of my parents house, and in my own place (well mine and Ben's place). I want to go away on vacation for a month. I want to be done with my ethics class already or to not even have signed up for it in the first place. I want to go back and do somethings over.

I want a lot of things, but more than anything else I want Him to show me what way to turn. I want to get closer to Him. I want to figure out my place in this mess of a world. Currently it seems that instead of getting what I want, I'm getting a lesson in patience.

The Big Night!

Here's the note finally telling about the big night. As you should know, Ben and I got engaged last night! Here are details about the night.

Last week we decided to start a new tradition. It's called Super Friday Supper. Since we're both a little short on cash lately, instead of going out, we decided to have a nice meal in. We're taking turns cooking, decorating, and making it an all around good evening. I had no idea how good this Friday evening was going to be.

I got my clothes, jewelry,etc together that I wanted to wear together and then came and chilled in the living room while Ben started cooking and getting the computer room ready. After a little while Ben led me with my eyes shut to the bathroom to get ready. I wasn't originally going to take very long getting ready but decided to put a little more into it. I'm glad I did! Ben waited on me to finish and then led me to the table. He had put music on, had a candle out, and put a fireplace screen saver on the computer (Don't laugh. I wanted to do it the week before but ran out of time before I found one.).

We were having a pretty good night already. He'd gotten some love songs that I really like together. (The first song that played as he walked me in was "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast. And there was also "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from Lion King.) The next song that played was "She's Everything" by Brad Paisley. Ben asked me to close my eyes and just listen, to think about the lyrics. I did but with some grumbling. As it was winding down I started asking if I could open my eyes yet. Ben told me I couldn't yet.

The thoughts going through my mind at this moment never once zoomed over what happened next. I had a feeling that he was up to something. I thought he was going to give me some dorky gift or something like that. Boy was I off the mark on this one. It most definitely not dorky at all. It was the most amazing thing ever! Ben said I could open my eyes so I did. I saw him in front of me on his knee. I saw the box in his hands. All previous thoughts left me head as did all words. He opened the box and said those words that every girl hopes to here one day. "Will you marry me?" I think at this point I almost tackled him. I kinda forgot to say yes at first though my actions were clearly yes. He finally said something along the lines of "I take it this means yes?" I told him yes. He took the ring he gave me for my birthday last year off my finger and put the engagement ring on instead.

We spent the rest of the night pretty giddy and telling people what had just happened. There were lots of texts to send and even more to reply to. It's still hard to believe it finally happened, but I have a ring on my finger to look and at remind me that it did happen, that it is true.

Word of God Speak

I'm in the computer lab in McCormick working on a physics formal lab report and need a distraction from the noise of those around me. I popped out my oh so comfy and noise blocking earbuds and tuned in to Pandora (This is a free radio thingy online. You can create your own station by choosing a genre, artist, or song. It's really great and you should check it out if you haven't used it before. Go now. Or after you finish reading this post. But do it!). The first song that came up was Word of God Speak by MercyMe. I've listened to it before multiple times, but it really hit me today.

With the Bible study on my heart it really spoke to me. I know I'm not in the Word as much as I should be. I was doing pretty good for a little while and then homework started piling up again and it took precedent over what should come first. I admit that I was wrong and I know better, but I don't always do what I know I should.

My prayer today is that His Word pores down on me. That it drowns me in Him. That I will put Him first so that all else may fall into place. I pray for time each day to spend in the silence with nothing but Him and His Word. I pray for a continual desire to do so. I pray that those around me feel this desire, this urge, this fire within as well.

Here's a link to a youtube video of the song and the lyrics are below. Enjoy!


I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay