Confessions of a tired heart...

You think your safe. You won't get hurt here. You trust everyone (or at least almost everyone) around you. Yet this is the place you get hurt the most often. At least it's been that way for me lately. Every time I'm at church lately I feel left out, neglected, unimportant, pushed aside, and the list goes on. Usually by the people I trust most and am closest to. It's been making me really not want to go. I hate that because I know that I should be excited about being at church and worshiping and fellowshipping with friends. Lately I haven't had my heart in it. I go because it's the right thing do to. I sing the songs knowing that I don't really mean what I'm singing much of the time. I listen to the message, Bible study, lesson, etc and do my best not to criticize in my head and to focus on hearing what God wants me to hear. It's like I'm going through the motions and not much else.

I'm worried about the Women of Faith trip. I'll be the youngest going and only know about maybe half of the people going. I'm afraid I'm going to be left out because I don't have a clique to be with. Most people going already have their group. I don't want to be alone. I'm nervous. I know I used to get this way about trips like this in high school. At least then I had people around my own age. And usually I had Mac or someone I was close to and could be with even if there was no one else. Now I feel like it's just me against the world...