Wedding Woes

Ben and I set a tentative date of August 2011. Yes, I do realize that is two whole years plus a little from now. You might be wondering why the plan is to wait so long after already being together for four years already. The following are some/most of the reasons:

1. I will be done with college (for the first time at least) at this point as will Ben. Hopefully he will have what so many of us like to call a "real" job at this time aka full time.

2. Many years ago I told my dad that I would wait until I was done with college to get married. (It is somewhat important to point out that when I did this, I didn't think I would find "the one" until college or later so it was no big deal.)

3. I'm worried that if we didn't wait until I was done that my grades might slip. Plus I would be doing my student teaching while married (though I've heard that it's way worse if you do it while planning a wedding...).

4. We currently do not have the resources to get a place of our own place. I'm currently hoping to hear from the bank at Sandborn about a part time position which could help partially alleviate this issue.

5. I'm worried about what getting married before I'm done with my bach degree might do to my financial aid. I'm fairly certain it wouldn't affect my val/sal scholarship which covers all tuition, but I don't know what it would do to my federal and state grants.

Recently Ben and I have been discussing moving the wedding up a year. Not only have we both wanted to move it up, but we've had multiple people mention it to us. People have told me that they have confidence in me keeping my grades up. Lynette and I went to Evansville today to take a few dresses to a consignment shop and while we were down there we stopped by David's Bridal to look around. I ended up trying on a couple a dresses and fell in love with one of them. This did not help me lean toward waiting the two years at all.

The thing that is holding me back more than anything else is #2 on that list up there. I promised my dad that I'd wait. It was definitely half-hearted when I did, but it was still a promise. I know he would be rather mad at me if I didn't wait, but at the same time, it is my decision. Mine and Ben's. Not my parents. Not his parents. Not friends. Ours.

Another biggie is #4 - the money issue. Being at home and not on my own, I really don't have to worry about money that much. I've been trying to save and help out some since I got the job at the store my junior year, but still, the only bill I'm paying is my car insurance. I also pay for my own gas and any little extras I want, but I'm not paying electric, telephone or internet bills. I'm not making car or house payments. I don't have to pay for my own health insurance. Once we get hitched, those will be things I have to worry about and until at least one of us has a good paying job, we won't be able to pay for those things.

I know if we only waited until next August, I would have time to come down off of the marriage/honeymoon high before classes started up again (more time than if we waited two years and I had a job teaching at a high school). It would only be one year and I know Ben would support me. Recently I've been thinking that instead of my grades dropping, they might actually get better or at least remain at the relatively high standard I've put for myself already. I might push myself more since I wouldn't be at home and relying a lot on my parents.

Dear friends, what I'm asking for from you more than anything else is prayer about all of this. Ben and I really want to make the right decision. We don't want to make a hasty decision, so we're giving it lots of thought and prayer.

<3 Nicole

Birthday Fun

My youngest nephew Hayden turned five on May 6th. Ben and I looked around for something to get him, but we couldn't really think of anything. Instead we told him that he could have a day out on the town with the two of us. We'd go see a movie, maybe eat out, and he could even bring his birthday money and we could go shopping. He loved the idea. ( yay!) It took us until yesterday to get all three of our schedules to mesh. We took the little man to see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. It was a really good movie. If you liked the first one, you should like this one too. The three of us shared popcorn and drinks. Hayden really liked the movie.

After it was over we headed to Wal-Mart so he could get something with his birthday money. Ben and I were pretty sure he would head for the Nerf guns. He made us go up an down a few aisles before he decided on anything. First thing he grabbed was a Hot Wheels race track which he later put back because it was too small. He ended up with a not Nerf but the same idea tommy gun, a two pack of Hot Wheels (one changed color), and a truck with a 4-wheeler in the back. Not gonna lie - I'd really like to get one of the tommy guns.

We had a really good time out with Hayden. When we brought him home the other two were asking what we were going to do for their birthdays. Seems like they want to do the same thing! We hung out with the kids and Andrea for a while. Ben played with the Nerf guns with the kids while Andrea and I talked about this, that, and the other. We even ended up staying to eat with them. I have to say that yesterday was a really fun day!

Wants

I've been feeling kind of off lately, like I'm stuck. I don't now what's up. I'm not really happy about the job on campus like I was at first. I don't even know if I really want it. What I really want is the job at the bank at Sanborn (still hoping and praying) or maybe something else totally different. What I want is to be able to do SonShine kids next semester and not have a class I have to take Wednesday nights from 5-9 (major yuck). What I want is to be done with stinking college already, out of my parents house, and in my own place (well mine and Ben's place). I want to go away on vacation for a month. I want to be done with my ethics class already or to not even have signed up for it in the first place. I want to go back and do somethings over.

I want a lot of things, but more than anything else I want Him to show me what way to turn. I want to get closer to Him. I want to figure out my place in this mess of a world. Currently it seems that instead of getting what I want, I'm getting a lesson in patience.