I've been in a horrible funk today. I've been crying and yelling and laughing and then immediately crying. I accidentally slept through church. I didn't leave my house until youth tonight which Ben had to drag me to. I didn't want to eat. I had planned on really working on my talk today but that didn't happen at all. I don't like it. I want to feel better. I want stuff in my life to turn around. I don't know what's going on. And now I'm rambling.
I've been feeling very left out at stuff lately. It's like everyone has their own group, but I can't be included in any of them. Mostly because I'm "too young" or I "haven't done X or Y." It's so frustrating to be just left out in the cold with no one to turn to but the same very few people. l just want to be included. Especially in a place that it's supposed to be about loving others. But maybe I'm just crazy...
About Me
- Nicole
- I just finished my sophomore year of college. I'm majoring in physical science education with a concentration in chemistry and some day hope to teach high school chemistry at the high school I graduated from. I really like spending time with my amazing church family. They're the best. And so's my fiance, Ben.
3 comments:
Believe it or not I know how you feel. It sucks to be on the outside looking in....to never be "in" on the inside joke. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Just know that you are not alone :)
"with no one to turn to but the same very few people" You have a group, albiet small, and I'm proud to be in it with you.I Love you Niki
We have all been there... some of us very very very recently. For me, I'm learning that satan knows which buttons to push, and for me a major one is "look who's going to lunch and not including you" or "look who's on the 'inside' and here you are being left out again"...
Lauren was praying for me the other day- and she told me that sometimes we wander out of the pen, because the other sheep in the pen with us are annoying and smelly and bleating... and it's so true. But our Shepherd is faithful to chase us down... even when we don't feel like getting back in the pen He will pop us on His shoulders and carry us back into the fold.
The fact is us sheep can be annoying sometimes. His Church SHOULD be the place of unconditional love and positive regard... and some day when we are completely restored it will be (but that's going to take Jesus showing up LITERALLY!)... but in the meantime we are just sheep trying to figure it out. Bumping into each other. Stepping on each others toes.
But even with all that, it's a lot better in the pen than outside of it, because at least most of us sheep are at least TRYING to get it right and to do better.
Love you Nicole.
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