I wanted to write this Saturday, but well... life gets in the way. Then yesterday I really felt like writing that and didn't feel it was the time to also lump this one on. So, two days later, here is this post.
"Lord, why me? Why did you tell her this is what I'm supposed to do? Why did you tell me to answer yes when she asked me? I am about the worst person ever when it comes to praying and yet you tell her that's what I'm supposed to do? Are you nuts? I'll do it and I'll really try my best, but seriously, are you sure you didn't get the wrong girl? Maybe some other girl named Nicole. Maybe that's who you meant. And are you really sure I'm supposed to be talking to these girls about discipleship, showing people love, and bringing people to Christ? What's so great that I've ever done? What stories do I have to tell? I felt when I was asked that I was supposed to say yes, but now I'm wondering if I really was supposed to. Like I said, I'll do it and I'll pray about it, but not really sure what I've got to offer."
These were pretty much my thoughts Saturday. In one respect I know I'm supposed to be doing these things, but in another, I wonder why oh why He chose me. I guess I'm writing this in hopes that you (ie any and every one who reads this) will give a little shout out in your prayers for me. I'm not really sure what's going on with me right now other than the Lord working in me. I'm feeling some convictions more than others and they hurt. At the same time though, He's able to point out some of the good and say "Look at what you've done for Me. Look at what you can do for Me. Look at all the people you have around you who love you and pray for you and would do/ do do (tee hee... do do) so much for you." I am so amazed at what a wonderful, loving, forgiving, father He is and I praise Him for it. =)
About Me
- Nicole
- I just finished my sophomore year of college. I'm majoring in physical science education with a concentration in chemistry and some day hope to teach high school chemistry at the high school I graduated from. I really like spending time with my amazing church family. They're the best. And so's my fiance, Ben.
3 comments:
I'm reminded of Moses. God wanted him to go and tell the most powerful dude in the land to let his people and and moses had a big speech problem. He physically couldnt talk right. God told him the He made man's mouth and that he could do it but Moses doubted. So he sent Aaron along with Moses as help. We all know that turned out for the better And I know you can do this. God made the means for you to pray and God founded the rules of discipleship. Do not doubt upon your abilities for you can do all things through Christ who strentghens you. And if you are still having trouble with it maybe there will be a helper set out just for you. I Love you Niki
Ben...great minds think alike. I was going to say something very similar - and frankly it frightens me to know we're thinking alike. :)
Nicole... hang in there. Whether you realize it or not, you are loved by so many. God called Aaron while he was making the golden calf...just goes to show He knows what we are capable of better than we do. I will certainly join you in prayer, but I know that this is all part of God's plan for you. Sometimes when it feels like things are going crazy in my life, I like to read Jer. 29:11...heck, it's even on my Bible cover if that tells you how my life is these days. :) Love ya!
Nicole,
When I was called to be Head Liturgist on Kara's team, I hadn't been a strong prayer warrior for a year or so. I thought it was too big for my britches, so to speak---have I gotten in over my head here?
But trust me, spending that time on my knees was the best way to revitalize my prayer life!
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