Poking, Prodding, and Pushing

God's been doing all three of those things to me a lot for the past couple of weeks even more than usual. He's calling me to do some things outside of my comfort zone. He's led me to make two apologies in the last few days that were long overdue. He's had me talk to people face to face that I don't know that well about helping with activities in the church. He's been pushing me to pray for those I have grudges against and to treat them with love and kindness.

All of these things are really hard for me, but I'm seeing the benefits already. God is blessing me for it already. I pray that God continues to push me even if I may complain from time to time. I pray that he offers me more opportunities to grow in Him. I pray that he helps me to have a faith that is not dead but that is alive and active. That my faith will be full of actions. That I will be set apart from the world and people will be able to look at me and say, "There's something different about her and I want to know what it is." I pray that I will be a shining light in this world of darkness for Christ. I ask these not just for myself but all those around me, all those in this world who are seeking after You so that we might show the world how amazing You are!

The Big Night!

Here's the note finally telling about the big night. As you should know, Ben and I got engaged last night! Here are details about the night.

Last week we decided to start a new tradition. It's called Super Friday Supper. Since we're both a little short on cash lately, instead of going out, we decided to have a nice meal in. We're taking turns cooking, decorating, and making it an all around good evening. I had no idea how good this Friday evening was going to be.

I got my clothes, jewelry,etc together that I wanted to wear together and then came and chilled in the living room while Ben started cooking and getting the computer room ready. After a little while Ben led me with my eyes shut to the bathroom to get ready. I wasn't originally going to take very long getting ready but decided to put a little more into it. I'm glad I did! Ben waited on me to finish and then led me to the table. He had put music on, had a candle out, and put a fireplace screen saver on the computer (Don't laugh. I wanted to do it the week before but ran out of time before I found one.).

We were having a pretty good night already. He'd gotten some love songs that I really like together. (The first song that played as he walked me in was "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast. And there was also "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from Lion King.) The next song that played was "She's Everything" by Brad Paisley. Ben asked me to close my eyes and just listen, to think about the lyrics. I did but with some grumbling. As it was winding down I started asking if I could open my eyes yet. Ben told me I couldn't yet.

The thoughts going through my mind at this moment never once zoomed over what happened next. I had a feeling that he was up to something. I thought he was going to give me some dorky gift or something like that. Boy was I off the mark on this one. It most definitely not dorky at all. It was the most amazing thing ever! Ben said I could open my eyes so I did. I saw him in front of me on his knee. I saw the box in his hands. All previous thoughts left me head as did all words. He opened the box and said those words that every girl hopes to here one day. "Will you marry me?" I think at this point I almost tackled him. I kinda forgot to say yes at first though my actions were clearly yes. He finally said something along the lines of "I take it this means yes?" I told him yes. He took the ring he gave me for my birthday last year off my finger and put the engagement ring on instead.

We spent the rest of the night pretty giddy and telling people what had just happened. There were lots of texts to send and even more to reply to. It's still hard to believe it finally happened, but I have a ring on my finger to look and at remind me that it did happen, that it is true.

Why Me?

I wanted to write this Saturday, but well... life gets in the way. Then yesterday I really felt like writing that and didn't feel it was the time to also lump this one on. So, two days later, here is this post.

"Lord, why me? Why did you tell her this is what I'm supposed to do? Why did you tell me to answer yes when she asked me? I am about the worst person ever when it comes to praying and yet you tell her that's what I'm supposed to do? Are you nuts? I'll do it and I'll really try my best, but seriously, are you sure you didn't get the wrong girl? Maybe some other girl named Nicole. Maybe that's who you meant. And are you really sure I'm supposed to be talking to these girls about discipleship, showing people love, and bringing people to Christ? What's so great that I've ever done? What stories do I have to tell? I felt when I was asked that I was supposed to say yes, but now I'm wondering if I really was supposed to. Like I said, I'll do it and I'll pray about it, but not really sure what I've got to offer."

These were pretty much my thoughts Saturday. In one respect I know I'm supposed to be doing these things, but in another, I wonder why oh why He chose me. I guess I'm writing this in hopes that you (ie any and every one who reads this) will give a little shout out in your prayers for me. I'm not really sure what's going on with me right now other than the Lord working in me. I'm feeling some convictions more than others and they hurt. At the same time though, He's able to point out some of the good and say "Look at what you've done for Me. Look at what you can do for Me. Look at all the people you have around you who love you and pray for you and would do/ do do (tee hee... do do) so much for you." I am so amazed at what a wonderful, loving, forgiving, father He is and I praise Him for it. =)