Ben and I set a tentative date of August 2011. Yes, I do realize that is two whole years plus a little from now. You might be wondering why the plan is to wait so long after already being together for four years already. The following are some/most of the reasons:
1. I will be done with college (for the first time at least) at this point as will Ben. Hopefully he will have what so many of us like to call a "real" job at this time aka full time.
2. Many years ago I told my dad that I would wait until I was done with college to get married. (It is somewhat important to point out that when I did this, I didn't think I would find "the one" until college or later so it was no big deal.)
3. I'm worried that if we didn't wait until I was done that my grades might slip. Plus I would be doing my student teaching while married (though I've heard that it's way worse if you do it while planning a wedding...).
4. We currently do not have the resources to get a place of our own place. I'm currently hoping to hear from the bank at Sandborn about a part time position which could help partially alleviate this issue.
5. I'm worried about what getting married before I'm done with my bach degree might do to my financial aid. I'm fairly certain it wouldn't affect my val/sal scholarship which covers all tuition, but I don't know what it would do to my federal and state grants.
Recently Ben and I have been discussing moving the wedding up a year. Not only have we both wanted to move it up, but we've had multiple people mention it to us. People have told me that they have confidence in me keeping my grades up. Lynette and I went to Evansville today to take a few dresses to a consignment shop and while we were down there we stopped by David's Bridal to look around. I ended up trying on a couple a dresses and fell in love with one of them. This did not help me lean toward waiting the two years at all.
The thing that is holding me back more than anything else is #2 on that list up there. I promised my dad that I'd wait. It was definitely half-hearted when I did, but it was still a promise. I know he would be rather mad at me if I didn't wait, but at the same time, it is my decision. Mine and Ben's. Not my parents. Not his parents. Not friends. Ours.
Another biggie is #4 - the money issue. Being at home and not on my own, I really don't have to worry about money that much. I've been trying to save and help out some since I got the job at the store my junior year, but still, the only bill I'm paying is my car insurance. I also pay for my own gas and any little extras I want, but I'm not paying electric, telephone or internet bills. I'm not making car or house payments. I don't have to pay for my own health insurance. Once we get hitched, those will be things I have to worry about and until at least one of us has a good paying job, we won't be able to pay for those things.
I know if we only waited until next August, I would have time to come down off of the marriage/honeymoon high before classes started up again (more time than if we waited two years and I had a job teaching at a high school). It would only be one year and I know Ben would support me. Recently I've been thinking that instead of my grades dropping, they might actually get better or at least remain at the relatively high standard I've put for myself already. I might push myself more since I wouldn't be at home and relying a lot on my parents.
Dear friends, what I'm asking for from you more than anything else is prayer about all of this. Ben and I really want to make the right decision. We don't want to make a hasty decision, so we're giving it lots of thought and prayer.
<3 Nicole
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Birthday Fun
My youngest nephew Hayden turned five on May 6th. Ben and I looked around for something to get him, but we couldn't really think of anything. Instead we told him that he could have a day out on the town with the two of us. We'd go see a movie, maybe eat out, and he could even bring his birthday money and we could go shopping. He loved the idea. ( yay!) It took us until yesterday to get all three of our schedules to mesh. We took the little man to see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. It was a really good movie. If you liked the first one, you should like this one too. The three of us shared popcorn and drinks. Hayden really liked the movie.
After it was over we headed to Wal-Mart so he could get something with his birthday money. Ben and I were pretty sure he would head for the Nerf guns. He made us go up an down a few aisles before he decided on anything. First thing he grabbed was a Hot Wheels race track which he later put back because it was too small. He ended up with a not Nerf but the same idea tommy gun, a two pack of Hot Wheels (one changed color), and a truck with a 4-wheeler in the back. Not gonna lie - I'd really like to get one of the tommy guns.
We had a really good time out with Hayden. When we brought him home the other two were asking what we were going to do for their birthdays. Seems like they want to do the same thing! We hung out with the kids and Andrea for a while. Ben played with the Nerf guns with the kids while Andrea and I talked about this, that, and the other. We even ended up staying to eat with them. I have to say that yesterday was a really fun day!
After it was over we headed to Wal-Mart so he could get something with his birthday money. Ben and I were pretty sure he would head for the Nerf guns. He made us go up an down a few aisles before he decided on anything. First thing he grabbed was a Hot Wheels race track which he later put back because it was too small. He ended up with a not Nerf but the same idea tommy gun, a two pack of Hot Wheels (one changed color), and a truck with a 4-wheeler in the back. Not gonna lie - I'd really like to get one of the tommy guns.
We had a really good time out with Hayden. When we brought him home the other two were asking what we were going to do for their birthdays. Seems like they want to do the same thing! We hung out with the kids and Andrea for a while. Ben played with the Nerf guns with the kids while Andrea and I talked about this, that, and the other. We even ended up staying to eat with them. I have to say that yesterday was a really fun day!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Wants
I've been feeling kind of off lately, like I'm stuck. I don't now what's up. I'm not really happy about the job on campus like I was at first. I don't even know if I really want it. What I really want is the job at the bank at Sanborn (still hoping and praying) or maybe something else totally different. What I want is to be able to do SonShine kids next semester and not have a class I have to take Wednesday nights from 5-9 (major yuck). What I want is to be done with stinking college already, out of my parents house, and in my own place (well mine and Ben's place). I want to go away on vacation for a month. I want to be done with my ethics class already or to not even have signed up for it in the first place. I want to go back and do somethings over.
I want a lot of things, but more than anything else I want Him to show me what way to turn. I want to get closer to Him. I want to figure out my place in this mess of a world. Currently it seems that instead of getting what I want, I'm getting a lesson in patience.
I want a lot of things, but more than anything else I want Him to show me what way to turn. I want to get closer to Him. I want to figure out my place in this mess of a world. Currently it seems that instead of getting what I want, I'm getting a lesson in patience.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The Big Night!
Here's the note finally telling about the big night. As you should know, Ben and I got engaged last night! Here are details about the night.
Last week we decided to start a new tradition. It's called Super Friday Supper. Since we're both a little short on cash lately, instead of going out, we decided to have a nice meal in. We're taking turns cooking, decorating, and making it an all around good evening. I had no idea how good this Friday evening was going to be.
I got my clothes, jewelry,etc together that I wanted to wear together and then came and chilled in the living room while Ben started cooking and getting the computer room ready. After a little while Ben led me with my eyes shut to the bathroom to get ready. I wasn't originally going to take very long getting ready but decided to put a little more into it. I'm glad I did! Ben waited on me to finish and then led me to the table. He had put music on, had a candle out, and put a fireplace screen saver on the computer (Don't laugh. I wanted to do it the week before but ran out of time before I found one.).
We were having a pretty good night already. He'd gotten some love songs that I really like together. (The first song that played as he walked me in was "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast. And there was also "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from Lion King.) The next song that played was "She's Everything" by Brad Paisley. Ben asked me to close my eyes and just listen, to think about the lyrics. I did but with some grumbling. As it was winding down I started asking if I could open my eyes yet. Ben told me I couldn't yet.
The thoughts going through my mind at this moment never once zoomed over what happened next. I had a feeling that he was up to something. I thought he was going to give me some dorky gift or something like that. Boy was I off the mark on this one. It most definitely not dorky at all. It was the most amazing thing ever! Ben said I could open my eyes so I did. I saw him in front of me on his knee. I saw the box in his hands. All previous thoughts left me head as did all words. He opened the box and said those words that every girl hopes to here one day. "Will you marry me?" I think at this point I almost tackled him. I kinda forgot to say yes at first though my actions were clearly yes. He finally said something along the lines of "I take it this means yes?" I told him yes. He took the ring he gave me for my birthday last year off my finger and put the engagement ring on instead.
We spent the rest of the night pretty giddy and telling people what had just happened. There were lots of texts to send and even more to reply to. It's still hard to believe it finally happened, but I have a ring on my finger to look and at remind me that it did happen, that it is true.
Last week we decided to start a new tradition. It's called Super Friday Supper. Since we're both a little short on cash lately, instead of going out, we decided to have a nice meal in. We're taking turns cooking, decorating, and making it an all around good evening. I had no idea how good this Friday evening was going to be.
I got my clothes, jewelry,etc together that I wanted to wear together and then came and chilled in the living room while Ben started cooking and getting the computer room ready. After a little while Ben led me with my eyes shut to the bathroom to get ready. I wasn't originally going to take very long getting ready but decided to put a little more into it. I'm glad I did! Ben waited on me to finish and then led me to the table. He had put music on, had a candle out, and put a fireplace screen saver on the computer (Don't laugh. I wanted to do it the week before but ran out of time before I found one.).
We were having a pretty good night already. He'd gotten some love songs that I really like together. (The first song that played as he walked me in was "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast. And there was also "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from Lion King.) The next song that played was "She's Everything" by Brad Paisley. Ben asked me to close my eyes and just listen, to think about the lyrics. I did but with some grumbling. As it was winding down I started asking if I could open my eyes yet. Ben told me I couldn't yet.
The thoughts going through my mind at this moment never once zoomed over what happened next. I had a feeling that he was up to something. I thought he was going to give me some dorky gift or something like that. Boy was I off the mark on this one. It most definitely not dorky at all. It was the most amazing thing ever! Ben said I could open my eyes so I did. I saw him in front of me on his knee. I saw the box in his hands. All previous thoughts left me head as did all words. He opened the box and said those words that every girl hopes to here one day. "Will you marry me?" I think at this point I almost tackled him. I kinda forgot to say yes at first though my actions were clearly yes. He finally said something along the lines of "I take it this means yes?" I told him yes. He took the ring he gave me for my birthday last year off my finger and put the engagement ring on instead.
We spent the rest of the night pretty giddy and telling people what had just happened. There were lots of texts to send and even more to reply to. It's still hard to believe it finally happened, but I have a ring on my finger to look and at remind me that it did happen, that it is true.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Word of God Speak
I'm in the computer lab in McCormick working on a physics formal lab report and need a distraction from the noise of those around me. I popped out my oh so comfy and noise blocking earbuds and tuned in to Pandora (This is a free radio thingy online. You can create your own station by choosing a genre, artist, or song. It's really great and you should check it out if you haven't used it before. Go now. Or after you finish reading this post. But do it!). The first song that came up was Word of God Speak by MercyMe. I've listened to it before multiple times, but it really hit me today.
With the Bible study on my heart it really spoke to me. I know I'm not in the Word as much as I should be. I was doing pretty good for a little while and then homework started piling up again and it took precedent over what should come first. I admit that I was wrong and I know better, but I don't always do what I know I should.
My prayer today is that His Word pores down on me. That it drowns me in Him. That I will put Him first so that all else may fall into place. I pray for time each day to spend in the silence with nothing but Him and His Word. I pray for a continual desire to do so. I pray that those around me feel this desire, this urge, this fire within as well.
Here's a link to a youtube video of the song and the lyrics are below. Enjoy!
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak
I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice
[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
With the Bible study on my heart it really spoke to me. I know I'm not in the Word as much as I should be. I was doing pretty good for a little while and then homework started piling up again and it took precedent over what should come first. I admit that I was wrong and I know better, but I don't always do what I know I should.
My prayer today is that His Word pores down on me. That it drowns me in Him. That I will put Him first so that all else may fall into place. I pray for time each day to spend in the silence with nothing but Him and His Word. I pray for a continual desire to do so. I pray that those around me feel this desire, this urge, this fire within as well.
Here's a link to a youtube video of the song and the lyrics are below. Enjoy!
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak
I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice
[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Hearing His Call
Sometime not long after I got home from the Flight in February Ben and I were talking about stuff. I believe I was telling him about something I'd read in Obadiah that weekend. One thing led to another in our discussion and he ended up suggesting that I start a Bible study. I told him that I really didn't think that was for me.
When I said this I was kind of lying. More than once in the past it was put on my heart to start a Bible study, but I've pushed it away every time. It's been three years since the first time. I was just a junior in high school and didn't really feel like I was old enough to do something like that. I can't remember the other specific times, but I know there were others. The main reason I told God no way is because I hate being put in the spotlight. I really do. I like doing things well, but I don't like people telling me about it. About how good I am. It's like when Seth mentioned me talking to Bev about being put in the rotation for praise team. As much as I like to sing and know that my voice isn't horrible, I really don't want to get in front of people. I don't like people telling me how great the speech I gave was and stuff like that.
Anyway, back to this Bible study thing. It looks like youth Bible study is being canceled for the summer. I'm not a fan of this but there's not really anything I can do. I kind of feel like this is even more conformation to lead one myself. I've even been led to a topic. I'm just afraid to go any farther with it. I don't know what ages to do it for. I don't want to exclude anyone. I don't want to be the youngest person there and leading it but at the same time I don't know that many younger who would want to go. Another problem I'm having is my lack of knowledge on the subject I'm being led to. In a nut shell I'd like to expand on these seven truths about Satan that we touched on in BibLit. It would be something about understanding the ways of Satan and guarding oneself against him.
I'd really appreciate the prayers off all of my few but faithful readers. I'd also like to know if anyone is interested in it or not.
When I said this I was kind of lying. More than once in the past it was put on my heart to start a Bible study, but I've pushed it away every time. It's been three years since the first time. I was just a junior in high school and didn't really feel like I was old enough to do something like that. I can't remember the other specific times, but I know there were others. The main reason I told God no way is because I hate being put in the spotlight. I really do. I like doing things well, but I don't like people telling me about it. About how good I am. It's like when Seth mentioned me talking to Bev about being put in the rotation for praise team. As much as I like to sing and know that my voice isn't horrible, I really don't want to get in front of people. I don't like people telling me how great the speech I gave was and stuff like that.
Anyway, back to this Bible study thing. It looks like youth Bible study is being canceled for the summer. I'm not a fan of this but there's not really anything I can do. I kind of feel like this is even more conformation to lead one myself. I've even been led to a topic. I'm just afraid to go any farther with it. I don't know what ages to do it for. I don't want to exclude anyone. I don't want to be the youngest person there and leading it but at the same time I don't know that many younger who would want to go. Another problem I'm having is my lack of knowledge on the subject I'm being led to. In a nut shell I'd like to expand on these seven truths about Satan that we touched on in BibLit. It would be something about understanding the ways of Satan and guarding oneself against him.
I'd really appreciate the prayers off all of my few but faithful readers. I'd also like to know if anyone is interested in it or not.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Step of Faith
I believe all or at least most of you who read my blog know that I've been praying for William a lot and that I'm worried about Him. I've been feeling a tug to talk to him since before the Flight but I couldn't figure what to say, when to say it, how to say it, etc. I just finished writing a letter to him (written by hand and soon to be mailed with a real stamp *gasp*). I'm asking for prayer that he receives the words and the Truth in it with an open and willing heart. I pray that the words in it are not my own, but that they are His and that William realizes this. I poured a lot of myself out to him. I pray that he doesn't use these confessions against me at some point. I pray for him. I pray for His will in this situation. Thanks everyone.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Schedule
School starts back Monday and I'm not ready for it. I got my subbing certificate in the mail today which means I can start subbing! I love that I can get closer to doing the job that I really want to have. The sad thing is that I want be able to sub now until May. I have classes everyday thanks to being a science major (Labs and lectures never match up and then throw in the other classes I have to take and you get one messy schedule.) so I can't sub during the school year. I was really hoping that next semester I would be able to work it out where I don't have classes one day or that they would be late enough that I could still sub that day.
No such luck.
They (Sorry Mrs. Summers. I know I'm using the infamous "they" but I don't know what else to use.) have the summer and fall class schedule up online. Being the anal scheduling freak I am, I have already drawn up two possible schedules. This was withing about 2-3 hours of me finding this and working nonstop. Now I would like to come up with alternative 3 in case Mr. Bardole doesn't like them. All possibilities include classes every day. Guess subbing is out for the fall semester too. At least I'll get to sub during May.
No such luck.
They (Sorry Mrs. Summers. I know I'm using the infamous "they" but I don't know what else to use.) have the summer and fall class schedule up online. Being the anal scheduling freak I am, I have already drawn up two possible schedules. This was withing about 2-3 hours of me finding this and working nonstop. Now I would like to come up with alternative 3 in case Mr. Bardole doesn't like them. All possibilities include classes every day. Guess subbing is out for the fall semester too. At least I'll get to sub during May.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Crushcrushcrush
I was taking a shower last night and I had Crushcrushcrush by Paramore stuck in my head. As I sang it part of the lyrics stood out to me. It's not a Christian song or anything, but as I repeated it over and over it made me think of our relationship with the Father. I'm going to break the song apart stanza by stanza and possibly even more than that. If you want to listing to it, here's a link to the music video on youtube.
I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all
We should have so much to say to God. We should want to tell Him everything, ask Him for things and His will. His eyes are always on us. He sees everything we do and knows everything we think. And it doesn't make sense. We are flawed, fallen creatures but He loves us anyway.
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
This part made me think of people ignoring or misusing the Bible. "Scribbled out the truth with their lies" Jesus is the Truth. Satan lies and deceives trying to scribble Christ out of everything.
Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)
I didn't really know anything to say to this part...
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
It's great when we get to spend quiet time with God. Just the one-two of us talking and listening and just being with Him. Sadly, for many of us that rarely happens. We've had a long day at work/school/with kids/ets and we just want to relax do we sleep/watch tv/get on facebook/check the blogs/etc and don't make time to be with God. But that's so much more relaxing than any of those things. He takes away all the nuts of the day and gives us peace.
If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute
How horrible would it be if we just completely forgot about God? If we shoved Him out of our life completely?
That's pretty much all I have and the rest is mostly repeating too.
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all
We should have so much to say to God. We should want to tell Him everything, ask Him for things and His will. His eyes are always on us. He sees everything we do and knows everything we think. And it doesn't make sense. We are flawed, fallen creatures but He loves us anyway.
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
This part made me think of people ignoring or misusing the Bible. "Scribbled out the truth with their lies" Jesus is the Truth. Satan lies and deceives trying to scribble Christ out of everything.
Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)
I didn't really know anything to say to this part...
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
It's great when we get to spend quiet time with God. Just the one-two of us talking and listening and just being with Him. Sadly, for many of us that rarely happens. We've had a long day at work/school/with kids/ets and we just want to relax do we sleep/watch tv/get on facebook/check the blogs/etc and don't make time to be with God. But that's so much more relaxing than any of those things. He takes away all the nuts of the day and gives us peace.
If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute
How horrible would it be if we just completely forgot about God? If we shoved Him out of our life completely?
That's pretty much all I have and the rest is mostly repeating too.
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this now
Rock and roll, baby
Don't you know that we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
Give me something to sing about
Sing about Him! Praise Him with song!
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
No, oh
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
More than this
Ohoh ohoh ohoh
Oooh...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Scaredy Cat
I've been feeling like there's someone I need to witness to and that today was the day. But I can't do it. I'm scared. I think that it's not the right time. But if it isn't the right time to tell him about Jesus, then will it be? Ugh. At Bible study last night we read Exodus 5 and we talked about how sometimes you're supposed to deliver a message for God or about Him or something else along those lines but that it won't always get through the first time. Sometimes we will have a plan for a situation - we know exactly what we're going to say, how the other person is going to respond, etc. Sometimes God doesn't want the situation to go that way. Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. I don't want this situation to get worse. I guess I'll never know what could happen though if I don't take a leap of faith, but I afraid of falling.
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