Umm... Do You REALLY Want me to do that?

I think I here You calling. Telling me to do something that I'm kind of unwilling to do. I know I should listen and do as you tell me, but I'm really afraid. For now I will keep praying and seeking Your will.

Amazing Weekend

I want to tell you guys everything about this weekend, but I can't find words to describe it. A lot of you who read my blog were there and got to experience many of the same things I did, even though I'm sure god spoke to us in different ways. I feel so blessed right now. I've never felt closer to Him than I did this weekend. I'm so much more committed. I've realized that I really need to hand things over to him because He can do all things. I knew this before but I have a really hard time doing it. I finally handed a few things over to Him this weekend that I'd been holding in. I have confidence in the fact that He took the hurt and pain and guilt and the whole sin away from me. God has provided me with even more amazing friends and has brought me closer to some old amazing friends. I was so blessed serving Him this weekend.

What's a Girl to Do?

I'm in need of some advice from trusted friends. I have one group of friends that we'll call group A. I love them dearly, BUT (there's always that huge but in the way) they don't care for many of my other friends. For the sake of simplicity we'll call these other friends group B. Group A often talks bad about B. This puts me in such an uncomfortable situation. I want to remain friends with group A, but I often feel uncomfortable and out of place when they start talking about someone(s) in group B. Many times I will just get rather quiet when they start in like this, but sometimes I will try to defend the person(s) in group B being attacked. I'm not sure how clear this is coming across.
I guess to attempt to sum this up - I feel torn. I don't want to lose group A because they mean a lot to me, even if they don't realize it. If I was ever put in a situation where I had to choose I would have to choose B. I need advice on what the most Christian way to handle the situation when next I'm put in it. What do I say, how do I act, etc.

Catching Up Part I

First off, I'd like to note that this is part one of Catching Up. The number of parts has yet to be determined. This the first part shall be about the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert and the little events surrounding it.

This story begins Monday, December 22 in Bicknell. Ben and I headed to pick up Lynette and do all the fun stuff one does in Bicknell (i.e. go to the bank). I realized when we were at the bank waiting on Ben that I forgot the maps and stuff so we had to stop at my house on our way through. Then the real journey began. We made our way up 67 to 231 and on to 70 to get to our lovely hotel in Plainville. We relaxed in our room for a little while but not too long because Lynette and I (but most her) decided we were hungry. We looked through the giant Indy phonebook for Chinese restaurants and eventually found two on a street very near Conseco. We happily headed out to fill our rumbly bellies.

Once we got in Indy and on the correct street it didn't take Ben long to realize we were about 800 blocks away from the one restaurant and about 100 away from the other... Oops. Luckily Lynette spotted a B-dubs so we went around the Circle and on our way back to B-dubs Ben spotted a nice parking garage. Our food was delish and B-dubs was warm unlike the outside. Sadly I forgot the tickets in the car... Ben was quite the gentleman and went back to get them. Then it was finally concert time!

The concert was amazing. I can't really describe it other than that. Thankfully pictures are worth a thousand words and I have plenty. I believe it has yet to be decided how many words a video is worth, but I've got plenty of them too. I hope you enjoy these!


I can't remember the song that was going on but you can see the twinkly lights - ie snow. They were tres pretty.










The awesome lasers and light show and fog and people rocking out. All in all, amazing.









The "drunkard" singing. It was a really good and also touching song.










The strings rawking out. They are so talented. The videos later demonstrate their amazingness more.









Pretty purple and blue stage.

Opening set of the show

*I tried to upload a couple other videos but it's being cranky so I'll get them up soon.*

After the concert we booked it back to the car and then to the hotel. I read a little, Ben watched tv, and Lynette texted for a little while before sleeping. I guess we didn't get to sleep early enough because we didn't leave as early as planned. Weather wasn't bad up there when we left but dad had called and said it was icing at home already. Everything was fine on 70. We got on 231 which wasn't too bad until after we stopped for gas. By the time we got back on 67 it was definitely slick. I was planning on stopping once we got in Spencer which was just a couple miles away but suddenly I see a silver Cavalier sliding across the road toward me. I tried to get over and avoid her but it didn't work. She bounced off me and the high schooler driving it got it to stop down the hill. We had to wait on the cop to show up. He had us pull way over on the pull off. Once he finally got done with his report I was very ready to get to town, eat, and wait on the roads. He told us to stay until the highway trucks went through, but it wouldn't have mattered because we were blocked in by two semis and three coal trucks. After about two hours of waiting we finally could get out. Although I would have liked to sit down and eat, I really just wanted to get home. Wouldn't have mattered because we had to wait in traffic on the other side of Spencer for around two more hours. After we got out of that we were free and clear the rest of the way home.

Thankfully the only thing that happened to Dean's car was a small dent in the driver's door and some paint scraping. The girl that hit me just had a busted headlight.

The Kid is Growing Up

Friday night mom and I watched the kiddos. Haley and I went to the store to pick up chicken and pizza because the kids couldn't agree on anything. On the way home Haley mentioned something about a haunted library which led to a discussion about ghost which led to demons which led to Satan. I'm glad she's getting older and can start to get things, that I can go a little deeper and not just graze the surface and still come out with her very confused. I praise God that she's been raised in the church and has a great foundation in her relationship with Him. Being able to talk to her like I did was... I can't exactly describe the feeling, but it was definitely positive.

Why Me?

I wanted to write this Saturday, but well... life gets in the way. Then yesterday I really felt like writing that and didn't feel it was the time to also lump this one on. So, two days later, here is this post.

"Lord, why me? Why did you tell her this is what I'm supposed to do? Why did you tell me to answer yes when she asked me? I am about the worst person ever when it comes to praying and yet you tell her that's what I'm supposed to do? Are you nuts? I'll do it and I'll really try my best, but seriously, are you sure you didn't get the wrong girl? Maybe some other girl named Nicole. Maybe that's who you meant. And are you really sure I'm supposed to be talking to these girls about discipleship, showing people love, and bringing people to Christ? What's so great that I've ever done? What stories do I have to tell? I felt when I was asked that I was supposed to say yes, but now I'm wondering if I really was supposed to. Like I said, I'll do it and I'll pray about it, but not really sure what I've got to offer."

These were pretty much my thoughts Saturday. In one respect I know I'm supposed to be doing these things, but in another, I wonder why oh why He chose me. I guess I'm writing this in hopes that you (ie any and every one who reads this) will give a little shout out in your prayers for me. I'm not really sure what's going on with me right now other than the Lord working in me. I'm feeling some convictions more than others and they hurt. At the same time though, He's able to point out some of the good and say "Look at what you've done for Me. Look at what you can do for Me. Look at all the people you have around you who love you and pray for you and would do/ do do (tee hee... do do) so much for you." I am so amazed at what a wonderful, loving, forgiving, father He is and I praise Him for it. =)

Funk

I've been in a horrible funk today. I've been crying and yelling and laughing and then immediately crying. I accidentally slept through church. I didn't leave my house until youth tonight which Ben had to drag me to. I didn't want to eat. I had planned on really working on my talk today but that didn't happen at all. I don't like it. I want to feel better. I want stuff in my life to turn around. I don't know what's going on. And now I'm rambling.

I've been feeling very left out at stuff lately. It's like everyone has their own group, but I can't be included in any of them. Mostly because I'm "too young" or I "haven't done X or Y." It's so frustrating to be just left out in the cold with no one to turn to but the same very few people. l just want to be included. Especially in a place that it's supposed to be about loving others. But maybe I'm just crazy...

Hallmark Assessment

I'll warn you up front that this is a long post. This is an five page paper I wrote for my foundations in education class. Some of it might interest you none, but I wanted to include all of it and give everyone the chance to see inside my head a little bit.

Perennialism

The philosophy of Perennialism believes that truth is constant over time. In many ways, my views on teaching agree with Perennialism. I feel that a classroom must be structured for students to really learn. It helps students know what to expect in class and to know what you, the teacher, expect from them. I also believe that most truths are constant over time. As a chemistry teacher, there will be many things I will teach that have been true for hundreds of years. There will also be some knowledge I provide to students that will be relatively new information. New discoveries are being made in science all the time so I will have to get out of my rut that everything should be the same every year. I do not agree with perennialism that extracurriculars are unimportant as are the feelings of students. Sometimes extracurricular activities are the only things that motivate students to do well in their classes.

Progressivism

Progressivism, which is the total opposite of perennialism, has three main principles that guide it. The first is that the context of the curriculum should be founded around students’ interests, not academic disciplines. I partially agree with this. I feel that students’ interests must be taken into consideration, but that should not dictate the lessons. Students should be given some liberty when it comes to things like research papers, science projects, and book reports. The second principle that guides progressivism is that the whole child should be taken into account as should his of her interests and needs in relation to cognitive, affective, and psychomotor areas. Sometimes for a class to progress as needs, you cannot focus on each individual student and his or her needs specifically, but you should look for signs that students are having difficulties so you can help them appropriately. The third principle is that learning is that learning is essentially active rather than passive. I think that there should be a good balance between active and passive learning. Personally, I learn best by listening to lectures, taking notes, and then doing homework and/or practice problems. Some of my close friends learn little from lectures and notes but learn much from actually doing. This has helped me realize that a successful classroom must have balance between active and passive learning so all students have an equal opportunity to learn.

Essentialism

The philosophy of essentialism is similar to perennialism. Like a perenialist classroom, an essentialist classroom will be conservative, traditional, and be well structured which are things I previously stated I liked. The main thing essentialism is know for is the “back to basics” movement. The “basics” are essential knowledge and skills that productive members of society need to know – reading, writing, and math. I am currently employed as a cashier. While working I have seen many people lacking the ability to read labels or to count out change. I feel that reading, writing, and math skills are essential to leading a productive life and that teachers should be held responsible, along with parents, for teaching children these skills.

Existentialism

Existentialism is a philosophy that focuses on individuals not on groups. This is a philosophy that I cannot see eye-to-eye with on nearly everything. Chemistry does not change with individuals. An atom is an atom no matter who you are. Density will always be mass divided by volume. These are concepts that do not change with the feelings of students. It is not that I thing students’ feelings should be ignored; I just feel that for the most part what I teach will not be dependent upon students. If students bring up discussion about something relevant to what we are discussing in class, that would be excellent, but if students do not like learning about empirical formulas, they will still have to learn it. I might adjust my style so that they are more interested, but I will not adjust my overall curriculum over the whims of students.

Social Reconstructionism

Social reconstructionism’s major thought is that school be the leaders in rebuilding society. I agree that schools can have a great impact upon society. Schools may be the only place that some children have positive influences in their lives. When these children look at their families and others around them, they do not see what wonderful opportunities are in our world to help others and to succeed. I also like schools providing opportunities for students to do community service, but I do not agree that schools should be allowed to make it a mandatory part of the curriculum. I do not plan on making this a mandatory part of my classes, but if I were to sponsor a club, I think I would demand a certain number of community service hours from each student involved. If they were to need help finding places and/or ways to volunteer, I would gladly help them.

Motivation for Becoming a Teacher

The major reason I have decided to become a teacher is that my experience in high school was the best four years of my life thus far. I had excellent teachers that pushed me and motivated me. They had an evident passion for their jobs. I don’t mean to say that there were no teachers I disliked any or that I fully agreed with the teaching methods of all of my high school teachers, but all of them provided me with an experience I will cherish for the entirety of my life. I had exposure to many different teaching styles. I got to see something that worked and others that did not.

When it came time for me to start filling out college applications and decide on a major, I had a very hard time. I went through many possible majors my senior year, none of which felt right until the beginning of May. This is when I decided that I wanted to be a chemistry teacher. I had decided on nursing as a major before this but realized how much I was going to miss math and science classes, especially chemistry. I did not feel that being a lab chemist was the right path for me to take; I do not do well with repetitive jobs or being confined to one place. Teaching seemed like the perfect option. It would provide me with the opportunity to spread my love of and passion for chemistry to others. I have been in enough classrooms to know that it is never a boring job; students highly unpredictable.

Looking back now, I realize I have always been a teacher at heart. I was the student who was the teacher’s assistant. I was often the person that peers would come to for help with homework: not just answers but help, coaching in the correct direction. My favorite game as a young child was to play school and I always had to be the teacher. I made worksheets for my niece and nephews just for fun when I was younger. For as long as I can remember, I have know the joy in seeing the looking on someone’s face when they finally understand a concept or get a well earned A on a test.

I long to be the teacher that inspires students. I want students to truthfully say that I am a teacher who cares about the success of her students. I want them to be able to see that I love what I’m doing and that I love what I’m teaching about. I want them to understand that chemistry is a subject that is all around them. I want them to know that the pool they swim in during the summer is kept clean by chemical means. I want them to see that the frozen food they eat is kept fresh because of the works of chemists.

Teaching is not something you can learn. You can learn the philosophies of education. You can learn how to make a good lesson plan. You can learn what doesn’t work in education. But you cannot learn how to teach. Teaching is a gift that some people have been given and now must perfect so that others may benefit from it.

Long time no post...

It's been a while since last I posted. Much has happened in that lull time. Classes have started. All is well with them so far. SonShine Kid's had opening night last Wednesday and today is the first night with a lesson. Ummm... lots of other things have happened but I forgetted them.

VBS

Tomorrow is the last day of VBS. Even though it's been challenging, I'm enjoying almost every minute of it. The kids seem to be getting a lot out of it. It's a blessing to be able to do this. I thank God for all the great help that has been provided to us.